Dear Elliot
by livielove28
Summary: I reached for the mail tucked inside the mailbox. The small envelope fell out of my light grip, to the ground. I knew it was from you before I even picked it up. -One shot turned into a short little 3 chapter story-Takes place 3 years after Elliot's left but doesn't go along with current story line on SVU-
1. The words you wrote

I reached for the mail tucked inside the mailbox. The small envelope fell out of my light grip, to the ground. I knew it was from you before I even picked it up. I recognized that penmanship anywhere. My heart skipped a beat. It had been 2 years since your last letter. Other than the simple and emotionless "_Happy Birthday" _text to my phone, it's been to long without connection. But I am a coward and won't admit it to you.

I sat on the couch as I carefully open the envelope as to not rip the letter. I am nervous to look at the words under my name. I don't know what you are about to tell me.

_Dear Elliot,_

Almost 2 years since I have wrote to you. I still miss you just as much as I did before. I thought time would take the pain away but in reality it made it worse.  
I am getting married on Saturday.  
I didn't send you a formal invitation because I couldn't decide if I wanted you there. But I do. If you'll come that is. Part of me thinks sending this is stupid because I know you won't show up. Maybe you will sit in a parked car outside the church like you did at Munch's retirement party. Or maybe you will wait outside the doors just like you did when I was in the hospital after Lewis' attacked me. Yes. I know about those times. I know about all the times you sat outside my apartment debating on whether or not to come in. All I can say is: I wish you would have.  
I just want you to know I am no longer angry at you. I don't understand why you left me but I know you, Elliot Stabler, and I know you wouldn't have left your best friend, your partner of 12 years, without a good reason.

I hope you can make it Friday, I'm sure you can, but I know you won't.  
Give Kathy and the kids my love.

_-Olivia_

My mouth dropped opened. _Married._ My heart sunk deep inside my chest. I have had a few gunshot wounds in my life but I have never felt this much pain before. I can't help but wonder how did you know about Munch's party or the hospital? You have always been so observant, without making it obvious. Another reason you are so good at your job. I run my fingers over the letters that form the words you wrote. Knowing you touched this piece of paper is comforting in itself. I can't even form a thought. My mind is scanning words and emotions but not picking one out.

**For now this is just a one-shot but if you guys like it enough I wouldn't mind turning it into a chapter story. R&R and let me know!**


	2. Security Blanket

I stand outside my car, 2 blocks from the church where a guy is marrying my former partner, my best friend, I'm still trying to form a thought about what is happening today, about you, about me, about … _us._

"Elliot …" a soft voice pulls me from my thoughts. I turn around to see the one and only, Alexandra Cabot, wearing an indulgent yellow, floor length bridesmaid dress, its strapless, silver pendant around her neck, diamond studs that her long blonde curls are covering.

"Alex, you, uh, you look good" _She just stares at me. I stare back wondering what the brides dress looks like. How you fixed her hair today. What jewelry she is wearing._

"Alex, this means a lot" I say as I slip the envelope into her hands.

"You know she's going to kill me for this right?" Alex just glared back.

"Yes. I do and I'm sorry to put you in the middle of it but I couldn't face her, not today. Just give her the letter for me"

"I will, but Stabler?" she questions

"yeah?"

"promise me one thing, promise me that in time, but soon, you will see her. You will talk to her … because Elliot if there is one thing I know about Olivia it's that she needs you in her life because she hasn't been the same since you left"

"Soon Alex, soon… " The tall blonde smiles at me and turns and walks about

"oh and Alex…" she turned to look at me "it was good seeing you"

She walked away and laughed just before yelling "you too Stabler"

~SVU~

"Alex! Where the hell were you"

"Liv, I had to run an errand"

"Next time let me know so I don't freak out that my maid of honor is MIA!"

"Liv…."

"what? What's wrong?"

"Please don't be mad Liv.." Alex's eyes are pleading with fear.

"Alex Cabot what did you do?" Olivia said in harsh tones but quietly so nobody else in the room could hear her.

"He asked me to give this to you"

Alex pulled a white envelope with _Olivia_, scribbled on it from the inside of her coat. Olivia slowly take the envelope from your hands and hold it close to my chest.

"When did you see him?" Olivia asked looking at the floor.

"Just now, he called and asked me to meet him and begged me not to tell you. He said he wanted me to give you something. Liv please don't be mad."

Just before Olivia could say anything else, her future mother-in-law, Mrs. Cassidy walked over interrupting the conversation.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah I just, uhm, I need a minute alone" Olivia didn't know what to do or say. She didn't know if she should read the letter seconds before walking down the aisle but she had too. She couldn't say her vows without reading it.

"Okay well we will all wait outside" Alex said, hoping Olivia won't want to kill her later.

Alex, Brian's mother, Casey Novak, Melinda Warner, & Amanda Rollins leave the room giving Olivia the time she had asked for.

She opened the letter and immediately tears began to fall.

_Olivia,  
I'll start with, I'm sorry. I know that probably means nothing at this point but I feel as though I still owe you an explanation even if you don't care. The day I shot Jenna I walked out of the precinct wondering what the hell I just did. I didn't know why I shot her until I realized I shot Jenna because I couldn't risk her aiming that gun and loosing you. I wouldn't be able to go on in life. Olivia Benson I couldn't let you die knowing I could have stopped it so I killed a teenage girl. I realized then we were to close; we couldn't have been partners even if I did come back because I will ALWAYS choose you before the job. Always. God, Liv, I was so in love with you I couldn't think straight so I put in my papers. I planned on waiting a few days before I talked to you because I felt like a coward, but days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. But you have to know not a day went by that I didn't think of you. I still have every letter you have ever sent me. Your letters are what kept me going. Brian Cassidy is a lucky man, I hope he knows it. Good luck today Liv, I hope you are happy and I hope he treats you like a queen because you deserved it. I love you Liv._

-Elliot

"Olivia, you ready?"

Captain Cragen opened the door, he was walking her down the aisle today.

"Yeah Cap, I'm ready"

Olivia wiped her tears and walked towards the door. Putting the letter in her purse she tugged on her necklace while walking out the door, the necklace he gave her. It was her connection to him her security blanket and right now, after reading that letter she needed some security and comfort in her thoughts because for once Olivia Benson –soon to be Cassidy- didn't know what to do or say. 


	3. Loved

_Elliot,  
I apologize for taking so long to write back but frankly, I don't know what to say. I read your letter seconds before walking down the aisle. Do you want to know the worst part about it? Throughout the whole ceremony I was thinking about you. Not the wonderful man who stood in front of me, the man who didn't run away, who didn't leave me without a single word, I stood in front of him while he said his vows, telling me how much he loves me, how I am his entire world, and all I could do was stand there and think about you. At the reception I just kept watching the door, hoping you would walk in. I spent my honeymoon in Hawaii thinking about you. Not my husband. But you._

I don't know what else to do or say but I need to live my life and I can't do it when you write me a letter –the first time I hear from you in years- telling me you love me. It just doesn't work that way. But you want to know what really hurts Elliot? the fact that you waited years to tell me that you love me, and then you couldn't even say it to my face. I don't know El, maybe this should be it for us. No more communication because I don't think my heart can handle it. You will never understand how painful this is. There was a time when I prayed for the day you would tell me that you love me but that time has come and gone and unfortunately this is my final goodbye.

I'm sorry El  
and for the record, I loved you too.

-Olivia

Loved. You say I will never understand but that's so fallacious. Your words were simply and heartbreaking. But I had no objections because you are right. You always are. I took out the box with all the letters you had ever wrote me one by one I threw them in the fire place. This was the end, I waited too long, I should have treated you like you deserve. Like a queen. But this is the sad ending to our story, I will always be thankful that we did have a story, even if the ending sucked because that's life.


End file.
